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Britney Spears

The Secret Diary of Britney Spears
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i hate those motherfucking sharks!!! [18 Aug 2006|05:43pm]
[ mood | angry ]

Britney Spears is child-proofing her house...against sharks.Collapse )

man! i hate those sharks! why won't he get them out of the house! we've only been broken up for like forever! he always loved those sharks more than me and Squishy. he spends all the child support money on bling for the sharks!!!

i'm so mad. however, i do look hot with black hair.

on the clouds

update!!! [06 Jul 2006|03:12pm]
[ mood | sleepy! ]

hey y'all! sorry i haven't been updating much! i've been sooooo busy with baby preparations! i love being pregnant, being a mom is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Squishy is so excited to have a little brother or sister! Owen died my hair black and it looks so fab! he took a crazy hot picture of me for the cover of Bazaar magazine! i can't believe how different i look with black hair!

nearly nekkid meCollapse )

on the clouds

ooops...i did it again! *blush* [10 May 2006|07:44pm]
[ mood | pregnant! ]

ooops - i did it again
i got all knocked up
and i have concieved
a baby, baby


guess what y'all! in case you haven't heard, i'm pregnant again!

http://people.aol.com/people/galleries/0,19884,1192364,00.html
http://people.aol.com/people/packages/0,19939,1039012,00.html

can you believe it? i can't. that bastard Kevin Federline must have knocked me up before we broke up. well he's never getting his hands on this child! Owen is it's real true father and we couldn't be happier!

i'm so excited. i love that new baby feeling.

1 ride on the clouds

ooops! [19 Apr 2006|07:50pm]
[ mood | whee!!!!!!!!!! ]

last night Owen came by my house in the middle of the night to visit me! he brought a ladder and climbed up to my window! he always said i was his Juliet. isn't that romantic? the thing is though he tripped up the security alarm! he was so surprised he fell off the ladder and CRASHED four feet down!!! i heard a THUD CRASH FUCK and i leapt out of bed to the window and there he was sprawled on the ground!!! i ran downstairs to see how he was but by the time i got down there the police had shown up and were putting handcuffs on him and reading him his Miranda rights!!! luckily we got things straightened out. he had to go to the hospital though because he sprained his ankle in the fall.

on the clouds

*bounce* *bounce* *bounce* [18 Apr 2006|12:16pm]
[ mood | nap time! ]

hope y'all had a happy Easter! i know i sure did. we had the biggest Easter egg hunt ever! and Owen sent me a bouquet of chocolate roses!!! it was Squishy's first Easter. he didn't seem impressed but i guess he's a little young. he seemed to like the giant plush bunny Owen sent him but other than that he didn't seem to care.

so now we're back home and it's nice and quiet. it was such a loud and bustly weekend with my family and we had lots of fun but i'm glad to be home. i'm so tired! i'm going to put Squishy down for a nap and then put myself down for one as well.

on the clouds

happy easter! [18 Apr 2006|12:10pm]
[ mood | nap time! ]

hope y'all had a happy Easter! i know i sure did. we had the biggest Easter egg hunt ever! and Owen sent me a bouquet of chocolate roses!!! it was Squishy's first Easter. he didn't seem impressed but i guess he's a little young. he seemed to like the giant plush bunny Owen sent him. other than that he didn't seem to care.

so now we're back home

on the clouds

SPLATT oooops [15 Apr 2006|08:52pm]
[ mood | happy to be home! ]

hey y'all! i'm in Louisiana with Squishy visiting my family for the holiday. we're having so much fun! today we painted Easter eggs. i was carrying a basketful of eggs over to the stove to hardboil them so we could paint them and i tripped and two dozen eggs went SPLATT all over the floor. i'm such a klutz! i cleaned them up while Mom and Jamie Lynn ran to the store to buy more. i wonder why people say they ran to the store when they actually drove? sometimes speech can be so confusing.

on the clouds

weeeee! [13 Apr 2006|11:43am]
[ mood | busy as a bee! ]

i woke up bright and early with the baby today. it's just me and him for the next two weeks as i gave the staff a 2 week vacation for Easter so's they can spend time with their family. tomorrow the baby and i are flying out to Louisiana so we can spend the holiday with my family. i can't wait!

so i woke up early with Squishy and i fed him and then i fed me and then Owen came over. i left him with the baby and then i went out and did my Easter shopping. i bought lots of chocolate and candy and toys for Squishy and my little cousins, and i bought grownup Easter presents for my aunts and uncles and parents and siblings and for Owen. then i bought some shoes for myself and a new belly button ring. then i bought some groceries and crayons and paints and coloring books and then i went home.

Owen and Squishy were very happy to see me. i changed into my jammies and i fed the baby and then made a nice lunch for Owen and me. well, it was supposed to be a nice lunch. i'm not that great at cooking so i burnt the chicken and the kitchen caught on fire but we managed to put it out and then we ordered pizza.

we're going to have a nice night in and be artistic and paint and stuff. is it okay for babies to use paint? i'll just give him the crayons. i have to be careful though and make sure he doesn't eat them like last time. he had rainbow poop for days.

1 ride on the clouds

what the eff? [12 Apr 2006|05:45pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

have you seen this? a baby falls out of his high chair and they automatically assume it's child abuse! i bet Kevin loosened the screws so that Squishy would fall so everyone would think i hurt him so that the judge would give him custody but i won custody of him fair and square! and now the neighbours keep giving me these sideways glances whenever i leave the house.

i'm so depressed. i'm going shopping.

on the clouds

disclaimer [12 Apr 2006|03:22pm]
this is important, so i'm only going to say it once.

i am not really Britney Spears, and this is not really her secret diary.

i'm not sure how it happened, but i started telling my friends awhile back that i was Britney Spears and they played along with me and the next thing i knew i was doing things like writing fake autographs for persuasive_pixi.

to the best of my knowledge, she and Kevin Federline are still married and in love. however, i can't stand Kevin, so i have decided that my pretend Britney has divorced him and is now going out with Owen Wilson. i have also decided to change Sean Preston's name to Squishy.

this is a fake journal. i don't care if you like Britney or hate her. you don't have to read this journal. you can play along with me, or you can go somewhere else. there is no point in posting mean comments, use all that energy you would normally spend trolling on something constructive, like painting something or baking a cake.

tylenol_angel

background image made by katangie
on the clouds

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